she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
