Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
