I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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