is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
