I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I think your dad took our porno
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
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