If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
