Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
