my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
