The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
