i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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