i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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