just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
