sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
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