Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
