She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
