I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
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