i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize