You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
So apparently I’m into choking now
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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