I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
