Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Randomize
