Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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