When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
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