Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
