somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
