i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
