Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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