FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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