dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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