I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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