ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
