How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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