OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
