I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
It's just like the Real World with babies
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
