R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
