Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
