I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
