We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
