I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
