whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
