New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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