I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
