Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
