Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
