she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize