hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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