yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
