I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
