I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
