Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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