I think im going to throw up on grandma
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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