tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Randomize
