That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
