I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize