Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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