Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Randomize
