I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
