I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Randomize
