shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
well you can't waste a boner
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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