I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Randomize
