True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
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