True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
