if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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