I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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