I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I have already put on my inside pants.
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