He asked me if I "almost moaned"
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
